I agree that it's best if two people have a common goal, but I also think two people can have different goals and still help each other rather than get in each other's way.Originally Posted by ScratchAndGO
If my goal is to develop two internet business (produce a valuable resource for APBT fanciers + a valuable resource for macro photographers) ... while enjoying my dogs and actually taking photographs in my spare time ... there is no reason why she can't pursue her arts & crafts goals without getting in my way, or my getting in her way. This big difference is she doesn't pursue her own goals as relentlessly as I pursue mine, and so she is experiencing more "free time" (with me still working), which is her big complaint.
Trust me, we have all of our goals written down and review them daily (or at least we used to). The difference is I am in the process of making them happen, and in her mind so is she, but she believes she needs to move to the city to make them happen. She is sick of wasting 2-3 extra hours of her life, every day, driving to work. She is not yet in the same position that I am, where she can generate a self-sustaining income from home, so she has to work because she refuses to "depend" on me for money. So by the time she gets home, she doesn't have much left in her to pursue her true passions ... and I am not there "hanging out" with her ... I am working on one or the other project, basically until I do a faceplant on my keyboard in the wee hours of the morning. The conflict of interest is I am not going to move into the city, nor am I just going to "hang out" until I have these projects complete. But even then I will be putting a lot of time into them.
I do believe that we should go back to spending an hour or two together when she gets home, and that we should get back in the habit of cutting-off all outside influences on Sunday (no phone/no internet), and just go do something together the entire day. When our relationship was at its best, we used to have an hour in the morning together, and spend at least 2 hours together at night before we went to bed. On Saturdays we'd take care of the whole yard, and then on we'd have what we'd call our "Sacred Sundays" where we'd shut off the phone, turn off the computers, and just "recharge." Just spend the entire day together, beginning with breakfast in bed. Damn, as I am writing this down, I realize how much I miss it
Well, we pretty much were in agreement with our goals, but when I shifted into overdrive to actually make mine happen, she just can't stand the feeling of abandonment. She thinks it means I don't care, when that is not true. I believe she simply lacks the maturity to realize this is just a phase that has to be for now, while she thinks I am being insensitive to her needs.
Unfortunately, she did find a quick resolution: she put a deposit on another place to move out
IMO, she is trying to get me to pay more attention to her, but that is not the proper way to go about it. I also have to realize that she may be right, that may well be the best move for her, for now. If I really care about her, and I do, I can't just think of my own goals--I have to think about the quality of her life as well--and she has a point! The drive back-and-forth to work everyday is killing her and her little convertible (not to mention wasting $125 in gas/week). Maybe it would be for the best if she lived down there, did her job, and then came out here on the weekends.
For better or worse, that looks like the way it's going to be
Jack
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